The psychology of worry: finding the causes of worry and ways to eliminate it.

trouble

In life, the discrepancy between one's subjective desires and objective reality is ubiquitous and frequently encountered. Obstacles and interference from various factors can prevent the achievement of one's goals, leading to unpleasant or even distressing psychological distress, resulting in feelings of shame, guilt, resentment, disappointment, and even despair. If this state of psychological distress persists, it can lead to a psychological crisis, triggering various mental illnesses such as anxiety disorders, depression, phobias, as well as psychopathy and personality disorders.

Troubles are a natural part of life, something no one can avoid. However, because everyone's attitude towards troubles differs, the impact of troubles also varies. The difference between optimists and melancholic types is a clear example. Optimists rarely create their own troubles and are good at downplaying them, so they live a relaxed and carefree life. Melancholic people, on the other hand, tend to create their own troubles. Once troubled, they are filled with worry and anxiety, unable to let go of it, and live a somewhat miserable life.

In reality, most of life's troubles are self-inflicted; there are no inherent troubles, or rather, they weren't originally troubles. Take, for example, the question of having more or less money. Those with more money have their own worries, while those with less may not feel as smug, but they also don't have as many anxieties. Ordinary families don't experience the same anxieties as wealthy families about thieves and kidnappings, and they are unlikely to witness the tragedies of brothers turning against each other or even killing each other over inheritance.

Why create trouble for yourself?

Creating trouble for oneself is certainly not a good thing. Why do we often create trouble for ourselves? American psychotherapist Bill Little, through research, believes that if a person has the following psychological tendencies or behaviors, they will inevitably be prone to creating trouble for themselves and making a fuss over nothing:

1. Taking all the blame upon oneself.

If you take on other people's problems and wallow in self-pity, and attribute all the blame for people disliking you to yourself, then it won't be long before you become ill from worry.

2. Dreaming of a pipe dream

The most pitiful people are those who habitually harbor unrealistic hopes. If a person sets their goals too high, they will be troubled by the inability to achieve them.

3. Focusing solely on the negative aspects and failing to consider anything from a positive perspective.

Remember how many times you have been treated unfairly or how many times others have spoken to you unkindly. If you focus on those bad, disadvantageous things, you will use this negative mindset to create trouble for yourself.

4. Unsociable

Never praise others, never use any words of encouragement, and instead criticize, nitpick, complain, and make a mountain out of a molehill.

5. Let things get worse.

When a problem is confronted as soon as it first appears, it is easily resolved. Conversely, if a problem is allowed to snowball, the person who ends up snowballing will always follow a simple rule: "If you miss the opportunity to solve the problem, just postpone it." This will only make the problem worse, inevitably leading to your anger and distress being buried deep inside for months or even years.

6. To consider oneself of low status

Mothers often take on excessive housework and then tell themselves, "No one really cares about me; to our family, I'm just a servant." Fathers might do the same: "I'm exhausted; nobody cares about me; everyone's just using me." Thinking like this constantly will inevitably cause you immense distress and make those around you feel annoyed, worsening your own feelings.

7. "If you think badly, bad things will surely happen."

If you anticipate something bad will happen, it will most likely come true.

8. To despise everyone else.

First, one despises oneself. Once one's own value is diminished, one will then feel that others are equally shallow, and thus look down on them, causing oneself to become isolated and alienated from everyone.

Methods to eliminate psychological distress

Life inevitably brings moments of disappointment and frustration, and failures and setbacks are possible. The impact of psychology on health is absolute; psychological problems not only affect our physical health but also our normal learning, work, and daily life. Therefore, cultivating mental well-being, learning to regulate abnormal emotions, and skillfully eliminating psychological distress are of positive and significant importance both for individuals and for society.

The following methods are suggested to eliminate psychological distress:

1. Discard illusions

As the saying goes, "A person's greatest virtue is self-awareness." From a certain perspective, this illustrates how difficult it is for people to truly "know themselves." For example, some people constantly feel distrusted by their superiors, or sense contempt or neglect in the eyes of their colleagues, yet are reluctant to express their feelings openly, thus falling into a psychological trap of anxiety and distress. In fact, a distorted perception of oneself is almost the sole cause of psychological distress. In other words, much suffering is caused by psychological illusions, or rather, by the virtual reality of distorted imagination. The correct attitude should be to realistically view oneself and others, calmly analyze the perceived problems and their causes, and if the problems stem from one's own shortcomings, learn from them and strive to improve; otherwise, one should abandon negative notions, bravely face reality, eliminate psychological pressure, and change the passive situation.

2. Vent your emotions in an appropriate way as much as possible.

You can frankly confide your frustrations and worries to a close friend, or even have a good cry; you can also relieve psychological stress by exercising, playing ball, running, or other physical activities.

3. Cultivate self-control

Acknowledge the rationality and inevitability of troubles and unpleasant experiences, have sufficient psychological resilience and mental preparation, and pay attention to the cultivation and training of psychological qualities in daily life.

4. Shift your attention

When troubled, try to control your emotions and shift your attention to studying, working, entertainment, or other things that interest you.

5. Temporarily avoid or leave the people, things, or environments that cause unpleasantness.

Out of sight, out of mind; as time passes, psychological stress will fade or disappear.

6. Stepping out of the "ideal" state

Many people's troubles stem from having excessively high expectations of themselves, others, and life. Once these expectations are not met, troubles follow. Therefore, facing reality correctly and not harboring illusions will prevent you from creating troubles for yourself.

7. Occasionally, one must yield; one must be flexible, adaptable, and able to advance or retreat as needed.

Being natural and relaxed, but taking everything too seriously and being stubborn will definitely lead to a lot of trouble. Making some concessions and compromises as long as the fundamental principles are not affected is also acceptable.