The root causes of social anxiety disorder, methods to overcome it, and how to be a sociable person.

Social panic disorder

Interpersonal communication is an important part of people's social life. Self-development, psychological adjustment, information communication, and the coordination of interpersonal relationships all depend on interpersonal communication. In modern society, a person's success requires the support of good interpersonal relationships. Psychology regards strained interpersonal relationships as an important indicator of social maladjustment. Interpersonal communication barriers bring a lot of trouble to people's work, study, and life.

Social anxiety disorder is a common mental disorder, often caused by negative emotions such as arrogance, inferiority complex, jealousy, suspicion, timidity, and hostility. If it is not addressed in time, it can develop into a persistent psychological abnormality and may sometimes be accompanied by depression and autism.

Patients crave social interaction but are hesitant to engage in open and equal communication, constantly fearing rejection and ridicule. During social interactions, they often experience involuntary blushing, palpitations, incoherent speech, and awkwardness. Repeated occurrences reinforce their low self-esteem, ultimately leading to social anxiety disorder.

The root of "social anxiety disorder"

The root of "social anxiety disorder" lies in a negative self-suggestion. While its formation is influenced by objective factors such as discrimination or setbacks, it primarily stems from subjective reasons.

1. Self-analysis errors

For example, a single setback in a social interaction might lead one to believe they are simply not cut out for socializing. Perhaps this failure wasn't actually a setback, but rather a result of overly high expectations. Perhaps the cause of the setback wasn't even within themselves, but simply because the other person lacked emotional engagement or social need. Incorrect self-analysis can gradually lead to feelings of inferiority in social interactions.

2. Misjudgment of self-assessment

People with low self-esteem actually have a strong sense of self-respect. However, they don't express their self-respect through a proactive attitude, but rather through passive avoidance to protect it. They underestimate their social skills, are afraid to interact with others, and fear that social failure will damage their self-esteem. They make unfounded guesses about how others value them, exaggerate or even fabricate many of their weaknesses, and then become trapped in a state of low self-esteem from which they cannot extricate themselves.

3. Misconceptions about self-perception

Some people like to compare their own weaknesses with the strengths of others, and the more they compare, the more they feel inferior, ashamed, and pessimistic. This is a mistake in self-awareness because the method of comparison is incorrect and the attitude is not right. "Everyone has their own talents," and everyone has strengths and weaknesses. We should humbly learn from the strengths of others, make up for our own weaknesses, and strive to catch up. This is the correct attitude.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

So, how can we overcome "social anxiety"? Here are a few methods:

1. Method of finding similarities through association

When you encounter a more capable rival in a social setting, never blindly compare yourself to them: "My demeanor and conversation are inferior to theirs; how incompetent I am!" Instead, think: their level wasn't achieved overnight; it's the result of long-term practice. Perhaps they weren't as good as me at the beginning. Marx admired the saying, "You only feel that great men are unapproachable because you are kneeling. If you stand up, you are not necessarily half a head shorter than others." This method of thinking, which avoids the gap in reality and finds common ground through association, can be called the method of finding common ground through association. It is very beneficial for correcting feelings of inferiority in social situations.

2. Cross-comparison method

If you encounter someone stronger than yourself in a social setting, you can think like this: "Maybe I'm not as good as them in this aspect, but that's okay. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. For example, I might be far superior to them in some area. I can learn from their strengths and make up for my weaknesses, and maybe in a few years I can surpass them in this area too." You have your strengths, and I have mine; you surpass me in this aspect, and I surpass you in that aspect. This cross-comparison method is also helpful in overcoming feelings of inferiority.

3. Gradual Improvement Method

Don't be discouraged when you encounter setbacks in social interactions. Start with the easier tasks, accumulate small victories to achieve larger ones, and gradually build your confidence. For example, if you're unsuccessful in interacting with celebrities, try interacting with teachers; if you're unsuccessful in interacting with introverted people, start by interacting with enthusiastic and outgoing people; if you're unsuccessful in public speaking, start by saying a few words in a small group... You might find that you do have social skills, and your peers don't look down on you. Then, gradually increase the difficulty of your interactions, and your confidence will naturally grow.

4. Intensive Training Method

A Japanese politician who used to have a stutter intensively trained his public speaking skills. Once, when only three people remained in the audience, he persisted and finished speaking. Through countless repetitions of intensive training, he finally developed excellent oratory skills through sheer perseverance. There's also a training method abroad called the "mirror technique." Whether a speaker, politician, or entrepreneur, before attending social events, they look at themselves in the mirror, then imagine facing an audience, repeatedly practicing their speech, constantly improving their language, tone, facial expressions, and gestures. Finally, gazing at their reflection, they loudly proclaim, "You will succeed today! Nothing in the world can stop you!" Then, with unwavering confidence, they stride out of the house. This practice may sound ridiculous, but it's actually a form of self-suggestion that helps overcome inferiority complexes and boost self-confidence.

Be a sociable person

Men often complain about work stress and frustrations. Upon further inquiry, they may reveal their true feelings, such as, "I'm not good at interpersonal communication at work..." In fact, this feeling of work stress is related to being "unsociable."

Many jobs in modern society require teamwork and collaboration among colleagues. People who are not good at interpersonal communication are often not good at cooperating with others and can only work alone. They cannot utilize the resources of others, so they have to put in much more effort and pressure to complete the same work than their colleagues.

Being a loner makes you vulnerable to being hurt.

Workplace sociability is related to whether a person has experienced group living from childhood and whether they have learned how to communicate with others. People who are not good at communicating are often relatively withdrawn from a young age, with little communication in their family environment, and have never truly learned the art of interpersonal interaction. When such people enter the workplace, they bring the lack of communication from their family life into their work, always hoping that others will take the initiative to approach them, but they themselves will not take the initiative to communicate with others. Over time, colleagues will feel that they "don't like to talk" and will gradually give up interacting with them. At this point, they will feel ostracized, feel lonely, and their psychological pressure will increase.

People who are not sociable often have a self-centered personality. This is not to say that they want to be like that; many people also yearn to be as eloquent as social stars. However, long-term isolation makes them unaware of other people's psychology and emotions, and they often speak only from their own perspective, which makes it difficult for them to build truly good interpersonal relationships with others.

People who don't fit in often feel hurt in the workplace. They are often very sensitive, bringing unresolved personal issues to the workplace and hoping to be treated like delicate flowers in a greenhouse. But this expectation is unrealistic. Once they encounter setbacks in interpersonal relationships, they become even more withdrawn and feel hurt by others. In reality, others may not have intentionally hurt them; it's just that they don't accept themselves, thus feeling that others don't accept them either. Over time, no one wants to associate with them anymore.

How can a person who doesn't fit in change their situation?

1. Change yourself

Guiguzi said, "Those who wish to unite must cultivate inner strength." To integrate into a group, one must first strive to do so. The root of unsociability lies in one's incompatibility with the group; therefore, to adapt to the group, one must change oneself. To change oneself, one should first understand the root cause of one's unsociability, clarifying the reasons: Is it self-pity and shyness that traps one, or arrogance and disdain for others; is it isolation and fear that leads one into a self-imposed trap, or stubbornness and suspicion that keeps others at arm's length...? Dig out the root of the problem, recognize the harm, and then prescribe the right remedy.

2. Avoid the "minefield" of inappropriate words and actions.

In social interactions, one should learn to be reserved in being sharp-tongued and open to being tolerant; reserved in being boastful and open to being humble; reserved in being harsh and open to being kind; reserved in being vulgar and open to being refined; reserved in being eccentric and open to being easygoing; reserved in being passive and open to being proactive; reserved in being indulgent and open to being restrained; reserved indifference and open to being enthusiastic. This will enable one to meet people's needs, follow their lead, get along with them, and tolerate them without deviating from principles, thus embarking on the smooth path of integration into society.

3. Study the "plot" and adjust the "characters".

An actor's role depends on the script and the needs of the plot. To play a role successfully, one must first understand and study the script, plot, and characters. Similarly, in social interactions, we should strive to understand the "script," "plot," and characters, adapting to the needs of the interaction, people's expectations, the people we interact with, the environment, and the changing times to play a role consistent with our identity and status. We must be constantly aware of the need to adjust and shift our roles. For example, we can act like a spoiled, demanding, and opportunistic child in front of our parents and elders, but this won't work in the workplace or in society. Likewise, while you may be a respected and authoritative leader at work, outside of work, you have no reason or right to be condescending or bossy; you must play the role of an ordinary member of society.

4. Follow the rule of "consistency".

In interpersonal interactions, only by immersing oneself in the group can one truly integrate. Therefore, we should adhere to the rule of "consistency." Here, "immersing oneself" and "consistency" mean seeking common ground while respecting differences, adapting to local customs, being flexible and adaptable to the environment, maintaining principles while remaining flexible and adaptable, and preserving one's own characteristics while always aligning with interpersonal relationships. It requires us to see ourselves as part of the whole, striving to conform to the group in our clothing, speech, and behavior. It demands that we be humble, respectful, and not overly stubborn, but rather accommodating, treating others with a peaceful attitude and an equal mindset. It cautions us against intentionally deviating from convention in our actions, lest we be seen as heretics; and against deliberately pursuing the bizarre in our speech, lest we be considered heretics, and so on.

Unsociable people, due to their difficulty in getting along with others, often feel even more uncomfortable and unsure how to cope when suddenly placed among strangers. Only by adjusting their social sequence-from close to distant, from familiar to unfamiliar, from family to outsiders, and from acquaintances to complete strangers-can they gradually adapt and master the methods of harmonious relationships with relatives and acquaintances. This will make it easier for them to integrate into a group when interacting with strangers.